Thursday, April 24, 2014
As a relatively new member of the American Mother's Association* (not to be confused with Against Medical Advice... although some might say the two are interchangeable), I am fascinated, and concerned, by the latest trends and labels that we have been imposing on each other. To be a mother in today's society, you must choose a side, or so it seems. I love reading Mommy Blogs, in fact, they're what served as my main inspiration to start my own blog. And as confusing as it might seem, your choice of crunchy or creamy starts long before your child even enters the world.
No matter which side you opt for, you might feel forced to defend the things you believe are best for your child to someone: your husband, your family, a health professional, but sadly, and most often, another mother. It's a shark tank out there, and you better not share your opposing opinion too loudly in the wrong crowd of vicious mothers, lest you be eaten up and spit out into smaller chunks for the little fish. Okay, so that seems a little extreme. But, as a mother who does not consistently fall into either category, I find it difficult to navigate the waters of being informed and supported by other moms, while maintaining that there is no right way to do this thing. There is a right way for MY family and MY kids, but almost always that varies from the right formula for YOUR family and YOUR kids and HER family and HER kids.
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Here are the ways my family would be deemed CRUNCHY:
If you're not hip to the terms crunchy or creamy, don't feel left out (now we've come full circle). I have made a list of where our family fits (or doesn't) into the spectrum, and I hope this helps encapsulate the message I'm trying to purvey... there is no right or wrong.
March 2014: Wild One Models His Teething Necklace
(Coincidently, I believe that is CRUNCHY peanut butter on his face.)
Here are the ways my family would be deemed CRUNCHY:
-I used a chiropractor during my pregnancy with The Thinker.
-I used herbal formulas during my pregnancy with the The Thinker.
-I had a doula at The Thinker's birth.
-None of our boys were circumsized.
-None of our boys were circumsized.
-I exclusively breastfed Wild One for eleven months.
-I still exclusively breastfeed The Thinker.
-My children wear Amber Teething Necklaces.
-We co-slept with the Wild One (for half the night) for as long as he breastfed.
-We continue to co-sleep with The Thinker (for half the night) as long as he breastfeeds.
-We avoid haircuts at all cost for Wild One (okay, I don't know if this actually falls under Crunchy... but I do feel proud of that thick head of hair he has grown all by himself).
-We babywear both our children when possible, and will continue to do so until they don't fit in a carrier anymore.
-I made my own baby food out of organic fruits/veggies for Wild One.
-I'm attempting Baby Led Weaning with The Thinker.
-I don't physically discipline any of my children, ever (except that one time I instinctively slapped Wild One's arm when he slapped The Thinker's head. Don't worry, I felt appropriately guilty about this.)
October 2013: The Thinker Makes His Debut
And here are the ways we fall under CREAMY:
-Both of my children were born via Cesarean Section (despite my hopes for a VBAC with The Thinker) in a hospital.
-I did not have a doula at my first birth.
-I chose an epidural at my first birth.
-I supplemented Wild One with formula at eleven months when I was pregnant with The Thinker.
-I supplemented The Thinker with formula for one day when he was severely jaundice, because of the medical advice given by my pediatrician.
-Both my pregnancies/births were monitored and attended by an Obstetrician.
-We use disposable diapers.
-We encourage as much crib sleeping as possible (despite how addictive baby cuddling can be).
-My kids wear clothes that fit them, not necessarily organic or purchased from a small business, but more often bought from a yard sale.
The lists could go on at length, but I propose we toss these descriptions and make our own criteria that unites us as mothers. This post is to encourage us to stop using the way we feed our babies and where they poop as weapons and start supporting each other for what we have in common: trying to help our tiny humans learn to grow and be happy in this world! If we all emitted a tiny bit more love, and withheld our natural tendency to think of child rearing in black and white, I know we could achieve amazing synergy as a vital subculture. After all, they say mothers rule the world, and we're not going anywhere. Let us create a new label that bonds, instead of segregates.
Earlier This Afternoon: Clever and Wild One Embrace Spring In Our Backyard
I've deemed the following benchmarks as CRISPY mothers (which is conveniently a term often used by my favorite comedian Pete Holmes):
-We want to have births that leave mother and baby safe and healthy, supported and loved, and as far from trauma as possible.
-We want to raise our children to be informed and educated.
-We want our children to feel safe with their own individuality.
-We want our children to be both emotionally and physically healthy.
-We want our children to have faith in something, whether it be themselves, God, family and/or love.
-We want to help nurture patterns of love and generosity in our children, and we hope they learn to share these with others as they grow.
-We want our children to learn that kindness is contagious, and hard work reaps results, but the combination of both helps create meaning in life.
-We want to show our children how they should treat others, especially with the example of how we treat our fellow mothers.
If you're not a mom, I don't think this argument loses its relevance. We all have children in our lives: nieces, nephews, grandchildren, friends' children. Let's start a revolution that is all inclusive, rather than exclusive. A movement that promotes support rather than divisiveness.
So, after this reflection, today I will ask myself (and you) the following questions:
How can I be of service to you today?
How can I be supportive and loving of your family?
How can I create a loving space for your tiny humans?
*This is not a real organization. I made it up.*
I hear you loud and clear. I try to avoid commenting on any other parent's choices as I too fall somewhere between the two extremes and try to be sensitive to the decisions of others. I am/was a co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, baby wearing mother who also LOVES science and vaccines and grocery store baby food ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks Emily-- I definitely think we're on the same page! I love that our children are growing up together!
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